May or may not
by St.Alya
Summary: Thirteen individual views on their relationship.


**This is not what I was planning to post today, but it jumped out of my mind and I had to write before it escaped, so the fic I was planning to put here will be left for tomorrow because I still have to finish ^.^**

**This is just a silly run through the company's opinions on Fili and Kili. I hope you enjoy!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Bombur doesn't care, really. He is nothing more than the cook. Surely, that was position that had allowed him to see many things that the other's probably didn't. He saw how Kili made a point of giving his brother the warmer portion because Fili hates cold food, and he saw how Fili always made sure his younger brother got a larger portion because Kili probably eats more than a troll. It was all rather endearing, he supposed. When it fell to one them the duty to wash the dishes, the two would share the task, which meant that they were the only dwarves in the company to wash dishes twice every two weeks and _they didn't care_. Bombur guessed it had something to do with the fact that usually they would have to find some spot of water that was slightly afar from the rest of them, providing a rare alone time away from thirteen pair of eyes with multiple opinions about them.

The fact that it's an inappropriate relationship only rarely comes to his mind, because in Bombur's opinion, whoever is ready to give up their own food (remember, they are _dwarves_) in order that the beloved one gets what he wants has got to be serious about such a thing. There is no doubt that either one of them would prefer to starve than see the other without food.

Bombur may or may not care if they are brothers, he knows that forbidden fruits are often much more delicious.

xx

Ori blushes every time he catches them doing something that brothers should not be doing. Even their joined hands while they rode their ponies side by side made him awkward because, as everything they did together, this simple action was filled with poorly contained feelings. Kili would not even look at his brother, he would simply extend his arm and soon Fili's hand would be entwining their fingers, then they would ride a little closer as if there had been a huge gap between them. Occasionally they would exchange looks and smiles and there seemed to be nothing else in the world for them except one another. Between blond bearded arrogant grins and mischievous beardless smirks, the two siblings would convey a thousand declarations that no one would ever hear. The muffled noises in the woods Ori rather not acknowledge, since he barely could get over untamed affection that flowed between blue and brown eyes without feeling embarrassed, let alone physical deeds that they should not be doing out of room - or rather, should not be doing at all.

But in the end, Ori knows that there is another reason for his blushing. It is because deep down, no matter how twisted it was for those two brothers to love one another like that, it was _love_. Love like the kind he read about in his books. The kind that could not be controlled and made the parts involved get completely absorbed in it, not caring if it's wrong or forbidden. That was the kind of love, Ori knows, that makes two lovers die for one another, or die if they can't be together.

Ori may or may not feel slightly envious, because he had read countless stories of a feeling like that but has never experienced it.

xx

Dwalin has the urge to roll his eyes every time he sees it, and he ends up seeing a lot, since he is the official unspoken guardian and fighting master of the two little moronic heirs of Durin. He and Balin were close, but they had never needed to exchange a reassuring glance before battle like the lads did. It had began when they were young and first learning how to handle a sword. Kili would look at his brother asking if he was doing correctly and Fili would assure him he was. With time it had evolved to mocking challenge. _Are you ready?_ and _I'm always ready_. Then when they first started to get into real battles with real enemies and not in training with each other it turned into a mutual _It's all right, I'm here_. If it was not for the fact that the lads fought so much better after this ritual, he would have mocked them a long time ago because of it.

There is not a single poetic vein in Dwalin's body, but he often finds himself noticing that when Fili and Kili are fighting, it becomes some sort of dance. When they are faced with multiple enemies, they find a place where Kili can shoot as many arrows as he can, covering his brother as Fili slashes foes around. Then, after the arrows are all gone, they stand back to back, moving as if they were one, as if they knew exactly what the other was doing without needing to look. Fili and Kili would always share a different kind of reassuring look after these fights were over, and it could be slightly awkward seeing them sneak into the woods together. It was better than when they were facing each other in training, though, when they would be flirting shamelessly through the eyes and stealing touches in the middle of the fight – although rare, they had made Dwalin blush on occasion with their inappropriate boldness.

Nevertheless, Dwalin may or may not approve. As their unofficial guardian, he feels better at knowing that they will stop at nothing to keep each other safe. It doesn't really matter how they reassure each other afterwards as long as they are alive and well.

xx

Thorin does not approve, of course. He just _can't_. It is unbefitting of the House of Durin, if he was to put in his late father's words. Not to mention how selfish it was, to deny their line future heirs to rule after them. When Fili and Kili had been two children sharing a bed, he had thought nothing of it and neither he nor Dis had had the heart to force them in separate beds. Not when they had to be constantly left alone while everyone was so busy trying to keep themselves alive and looking for work. In their difficult life, his nephews had found an anchor in each other, and now it was too late to break them apart unless he intended to _really_ break them.

They were smart, Thorin would give them that. Fili tried his best to look cool when Kili was hurt, and Kili really put an effort in not chasing away every dwarf that looked at his older brother with second intentions – at least not when he was looking. To give them credit, Thorin had never really caught them at it, which was fairly surprising given their recklessness in everything else. It told him that at least to some extent, they had the sense to be ashamed of their sin. And they were ashamed.

His nephews could show the world as many grins and smirks as they wanted, but there was an edge to them that no one else saw. It was rare, but sometimes they moved differently around each other, more mindful of each other personal space. They would sit in distant places on the table, laugh in different groups of drinking and tried to look at the beautiful girls present, opposed to their usual shoulder to shoulder touch, more often than not drinking of the same mug and completely unaware that there females around them unless such females could tell good jokes.

When they acted like that, he recognized it for it was. It was Fili and Kili trying not to be with each other, trying to do the right thing. Against his better sense, however, Thorin cannot stop feeling relieved when he sees their eyes meeting and all their effort crumbling to the ground, one mug of ale being completely forgotten as they shared the other one (he is sure the same will happen to their beds).

Because he may or may not have loved his own brother in the same manner, because he has never forgotten how much it ached in his heart when Frerin used to look at him the same way Kili looks at Fili. And because many years have passed and he can hardly judge them when he has not found a woman himself.

xx

Gloin believes that he is the only one in their family that is actually happy for them. He knows what is like to fall in love beyond hope, and had he been as young as Fili and Kili were, he doubted he would have been able to leave Nima behind. Furthermore, he has the benefit of having his son's view on them, for Gimli almost worships them. And Gloin knows that Dis' sons are fond of his child too, because they never let Gimli take the blame even when he is involved in their pranks and they are always trying to teach him something they have just learned. One day a lower rank dwarf had made a crude comment about how weird the brother's connection was and Gimli's answer had been an ax pressed down against his throat warning him to never speak about the Heirs of Durin ever again.

Granted, his son _was_ quick to anger, but if there was someone who could boss Gimli around that was Fili, and if there was someone who could make him laugh when he was in a bad mood that was Kili. So Gloin never said a word about it, deciding that he is not going to judge the boys when they are the leaders that Gimli will gladly serve one day. If they should continue with that relationship – and Gloin is they will – then at least the halls of the Lonely Mountain will always be filled with laughter.

He may or may not scowl at Thorin when he mentions he would get a wife for Fili first thing after Erebor was mighty again. Gloin knows what is like to give his heart away and he knows he would have loved his wife even if she had been his sister.

xx

Nori is positively afraid of what ideas their relationship might put in Ori's head. His younger sibling is already too much dependent on Dori as it is... What if he gets confused?! Other than that, there is nothing that particularly offends him in their typical display. Maybe sometimes the noises in the wood that make Ori blush like a tomato are indeed a bit much, but he supposes he had made louder noises in his time, so... Who is he to judge but a minor descendent of Durin?

It's none of his business if their king's nephews have no regard for their position or for their duty. Nori is not in the slightest interested in knowing what they will do when time comes for Fili to be king and be imposed with the responsibility of giving an heir to the kingdom. He supposes Kili will end up going on a murderous rampage, but again, it's none of his business if the main line of the House of Durin disgraces itself because of twisted feelings between brothers. Nori would not be at all surprised if the throne was passed to Dain's son in the end, the kind of thing that should unthinkable for any self-respecting member of the royal house. Then again, self-respect probably ranked beneath being together on the brother's list.

Don't take him wrong. He thinks Fili will be a great king and he even likes Kili's company. They are always fun to have around, being the main providers of cheerfulness in their perilous quest. But Nori may or may not feel slightly bothered that Durin's blood ran stronger in the veins of two dwarves that cared only for their wrong love and nothing for their birthright.

xx

Bofur, believe it or not, was the last one to understand why Fili and Kili made a point of sharing watch during the night. In his defense, his eyes were far too interested on a person with furry feet for him to notice anything else. It was only two weeks after they had left the Shire that he grasped the reason why the other's sometimes looked funny at the lads, and he had to see it with his own eyes otherwise he might have arrived at Erebor without ever knowing.

Either because he had eaten too fast in his hurry to help Bilbo with the dishes or because Bombur had tried new seasonings in the food, Bofur's stomach decided to bother him greatly certain night, so he laid awake listening to the sounds of the woods. A specific noise had gotten his attention – a gasp. Worried that there was something wrong, he discretely raised his head to check the surroundings. Then he had to hold back a gasp of his own at the scene he found.

Kili was leaning against a somewhat hidden tree only a bit far away from the camp, Fili was kneeled in front of him. Now, Bofur was not young, he knew what the blonde's head movements and Kili's ragged breathing meant, and he felt himself blushing in the dark despite his age. Fili and Kili. Fili _and_ Kili! A quick look around the camp told him that he was the only witness to their activities, but when he looked back at the brother's, Fili had apparently already done his job, because he was starting to stand.

It was on that moment that Kili's eyes surveyed the camp and met his. There was a brief surge of panic through both Bofur and the lad before all of a sudden, Kili grabbed his brother's hand and yanked their bodies together, crashing their mouths in a kiss that was obviously possessive. A statement that Fili was _his_ and Bofur would be a fool if he dared to say something that might cause them trouble. So he simply rested his head on his pillow again and turned around, offering this little privacy as a sign of his agreement to the secret. The shock of that revelation becoming more active in depriving him of sleep than his upset stomach.

Bofur may or may not be inspired by them. If the company had been lenient so far with a incestuous relationship, certainly they wouldn't mind a relationship between different races?

xx

Oin, in general, thinks it's simply wrong. Brothers should not lie with one another. They should aid each other in battle and be there for each other whenever was needed. He knew that because he had a younger brother and that was the way they behaved. Sure, Fili and Kili behave like that, and it was better than to have them hate each other and argue around over succession issues. But why did they have to surpass that border of brotherhood? Wasn't that enough?

He admits that having been raised the way they were, born in the exile and roaming from village to village until their uncle had settled their people in Ered Luin, with no other dwarflings at their age, must have been hard for the boys. Having no one else but old, bitter adults around had made them turn to each other in seek of things they should have looked for in others. Gloin says that after the heart's choice is done there is no going back, but he can't help but wonder if Fili and Kili had been raised in Erebor such a thing would have happened. Because, no matter how this incestuous bond of theirs was definite and unbreaking, it was still wrong.

Yet, in the end Oin is not a grudging and judging dwarf, especially when there had been almost no choice and fate had insisted upon such a cruel joke. He may or may not take pity on them, because Thorin and Dis already give them a hard time as it is, they don't need another family member frowning upon them.

xx

Gandalf, if anything, is amused. He has more important things to worry about and taboo relationships among dwarf brothers are hardly on the top of his list of priorities. Nevertheless, there are some nights when Old Toby's manages to make him relax, the possibilities of a dark future for Middle-Earth being briefly pushed away by more mundane things around him.

A look at some of the dwarves' faces tells him that they don't think that two brothers – _royal_ brothers – having an affair was not mundane at all, even though most of them has already gotten used to it. Some had even accepted it as fate, sagely understanding that what Mahal forges cannot be un-forged. Gandalf, who has walked with Aule on occasion long ago, knows the Valar has little interest in the affections of his creation despite the love he bears for them, but he can recognize a bounded soul when he sees one or he is not a wizard. Forged by Mahal or not, the boys' souls were meant to always be near each other. Both their auras are filled with something too strong to be simply a bond of brothers.

Gandalf has many years on his back, and their relationship is hardly the most sinful thing he has seen in his life. Deep down, he knows how devastating and dangerous kin loving kin can become, either for the couple involved or for people surrounding them. The desperate way with which Fili grips his brother's arms after they jumped into the ravine and waited for orcs to leave spoke of how far he was willing to so should anything put between him and Kili. So, more than once he prays that Thorin will know how to handle this appropriately, even though he knows this is something too personal for him to offer his open advice.

Alas, Fili and Kili seem to be pretty aware of how careful they must be and Gandalf never wastes more than a few minutes pondering about them. What were blood relations, anyway? Being a Maia, he knows that blood and body are nothing but vessels to the spirit. If their spirits came joined to this world, then it's nothing but bad luck that they were born in the same family. Or good luck, judging by how few dwarves ever got around meeting their true love.

So, Gandalf may or may not have turned a blind eye when he is counting the dwarves that are with him after the gobblin's cave and catches sight of Kili pining Fili against a tree.  
They were just ill chosen bodies, after all. The fact that Bilbo had been missing was far more alarming than two people in love.

xx

Bifur in his silence ends up saying more of his blessing than anyone else ever could.

He was a simple dwarf with a sad story, he tried to keep to himself and do his job as best as he could. He tries to keep out of the company's discussion and only sometimes join his companions in drinking, although he is really fond of the eating part. However, one night he is keeping his watch and his eyes drift to the place where two bedrolls are placed too close to each other, a hand discretely resting tangled in blond locks.

Fili and Kili are not as stupid as to sleep in each other's arms, despite their constant displays of affection when they are awaken. Bifur sees the fear that governs this sleeping carefulness. During the day they can do all they want because they are always keeping a close watch over each other, ready to jump to rescue at any kind of trouble. But under the darkness of the night they cannot defend themselves so easily, be it against orcs or an outraged Thorin. Bifur doesn't believe that their leader would suddenly snap one night and drag them apart, but he can relate to being afraid of people being taken in the night.

So, he takes to placing his bedroll between Fili and Kili and the rest of the company during the night, and whenever he can, he makes sure that the two get a secluded place in a cave or under a tree. Is Bifur's quiet way of saying that he will help them should the need arise, that he will not let anyone separate them. He has had too many losses in his life to judge his princes for wanting to keep each other. Life was too grim and hopeless, already.

Bifur may or may not feel a bit happier, though, when Fili and Kili take to do little things for him in their gratitude. He knows that these lads will be good rulers of Erebor if they can notice his simple silent actions.

xx

Dori is neutral, about it. Or so he likes to think. In the overall he is more aggravated by how loud and impolite they can be than by their heated kisses. He knows that Nori is worried that they may put wrong ideas in Ori's head, and he knows that Ori is simply wishful for a romance he had never had a chance to have. For his turn, Dori doesn't mind if they keep it to themselves. Even if they were from different dwarf lines, it would still be terribly rude to devour each other senselessly in front of others – something that didn't happen really often, but when Thorin was away Fili hardly kept his hands off Kili and it was _still_ impolite. They are princes. They should know better than to fornicate among the trees and fill the night with sounds that make Dori feel as embarrassed as if he was a teenager again. Kili could be very vocal, as he had discovered within a week of their journey.

He knows better than to think that such a relationship among brothers has never happened in dwarven history, nor he is naïve at the point of being scandalized at the thought of incest. Dori really just wished they were more discrete about it. He'd like Kili not to provoke the other so obviously in the middle of the day and he'd like Fili to feel at least a little self-conscious of himself whenever he smirked seductively at his brother in front of everyone else. What had happened to good old fashioned courting rituals anyway?

But Dori admits there are days in which they can very chivalrous, and it's impossible to not nod in approval when they abide to the proper tradition of carrying your beloved's weapon or braiding the hair carefully. He may or may not find it cute when Kili timidly offers a flower to his brother one day when he thinks there is no one else looking.

xx

Balin used to think they would grow out of it, now he is not so sure. Not when Fili had been ready to tear poor Ori apart because he had accidentally hurt Kili's arm in a miscalculated knife throw. Most definitely not when Kili's hand on his brother's face was the only thing that had managed to calm the older one down.

Having watched them grow, Balin feels somewhat of a fool for believing it was just a thing from youth. Watching them now, Fili taking care of Kili's wound as if there was nothing more precious in this world than his younger brother, Balin is sure that this bond will never be broken. Love was not something dwarves comprehended so easily, since they shared little of it, most of them living alone with their material richness, so he is almost sad at the difficult future ahead of his young princes. And it's not like their family could have done anything about it.

He knows Dis is ashamed of her sons sometimes and that Thorin feels guilty for having allowed them to grow too close, but Fili and Kili were never keen on following orders. Especially orders that made them being apart, even if for just one hour. He remembers when they were small children and Kili was the only who could get Fili to eat when he was sick, and how Fili pointedly refused to be favored with anything that wasn't bestowed upon Kili as well. These are the kind of things that cannot be controlled or changed, the lads were what they were. Balin cannot say he is entirely comfortable with their quick brushes of lips when they were hiding behind the column, but he understand that this alternative is better than to have them both sulking and _weak_ in case they were forced to end things. Fili and Kili are each other's strength and he doesn't like to think what it would be like if one had to live without the other.

He may or may not be preparing himself to hold Thorin back when the matter of succession arises more urgently. Balin is old, but he remembers how Thrain's sons were miserable in their resistance to give into forbidden feelings.

xx

In the Shire, siblings don't share carnal pleasure. Bilbo thinks he should be outraged at this dwarvish custom – except that he isn't and this is just as troubling to his mind as Fili ending their discussion about swords being better than bows with a small peck on Kili's lips. By the time that he discovers that it was not a dwarvish custom, and that the two brothers were simply… something apart, he is still trying to form an opinion about it. It was not as upsetting as them singing and throwing his plates to each other, that was for sure.

Bilbo made up his mind about it on the night before the ugly business with the trolls. He had been excitedly telling them about hobbits' festivals, until he noticed his captive audience was not that captive after all. At first they were sitting side by side, so close they had been touching from knee to shoulder. But at some point Fili's head had migrated to his brother's lap, and he might have been a cat being caressed by his owner.

They fitted Bilbo's metaphor so well that now Kili was playing lightly with braided blond "whiskers" while File tried to bite his fingers. Then one time the olders brother succeeded and low 'ouch' escaped Kili's lips in the midst of their quiet laughter. The hobbit couldn't help but to find it simply adorable. Until the moment Fili grabbed the bitten finger and planted a gentle kiss on it.

That one action had already left Bilbo feeling awkward, but when the other four fingers and the palm of Kili's hand got kissed too, he found himself blushing. But he still found it cute. How could he not? There was love on both pairs of eyes and a gentleness in their touches that made it obvious how much they treasured each other. It was just the kind of thing that almost no one had the opportunity to have, something warm and true.

A fluttering feeling travelled through his stomach, making him want to have something like what Fili and Kili shared.

At that moment, Bilbo may or may not have looked to where Bofur was sitting, quietly smoking his pipe and gazing at the stars.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

**I know, I know, it's long, but I couldn't help it! Each dwarf's opinion is nothing more than a drabble, but when you put them all together you end up with more than 4000 words -.-'**

**I intended to put Fili and Kili pov as well, but maybe I'll put it in a second chapter. :)**

**Thank you for reading!**


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